A lesson learned

I have to say that it's been a tough few days. I have to apologize to Eric for the brute force I used toward him. I figured that I'm not perfect, but I do intend on becoming better and not repeating the same offence twice, which is how we know if someone is truly repentant of their actions. I never considered myself to be an angry person, but this time I was. I was so angry that I wanted to cry. The reason for all of this happening is beside the point; however, I do feel that there are certain trials in life we cannot or are not ready to handle. For me, this was one of those and I cannot say that I'm ready for it to happen again because I don't know if my response will be polished :-). I have been meditating on the situation and I find that I hit a road block anytime I talk about it or think about it. I still feel that I'm right and they're not; therefore, I know I haven't truly found that place of restitution or repentance. I've recognized that the only thing that makes a trial impassable is our reaction to it, and thus, we find ourselves in a predicament because it's our choice how we respond to certain things and whether or not we become consumed by the emotions that our body sets forth is the defining moment of that trial. I did not pass. I failed. It's okay, we won't always come out triumphant; never the less, we are here for that purpose, that we may have experiences that makes us want to overcome the natural man and not give into our natural impulses.

What a journey we have chosen! I just hope that I can be better for my family because it's in these moments of weakness that we can show our true and wicked natures. I don't want to be remembered by these. So, it's my objective to try to contain the anger that is stirring within me and overcome my weakness by using words to relay my present condition; that through this I may be more consumed with love as opposed to frustration and anger. I know I need this, so that I can raise children that are empathetic to those around them and that they too can figure themselves out and express themselves through language as opposed to physical brutality. Anyway, it was a lesson, and I did learn a lot about myself and my needs, so that I can in a future date know how to handle myself in a similar situation.